I had a good evening yesterday..Met up with my cousin ( uncle by status ) that I have not seen since 17 - 20 years ago.

It was a good time, meeting long lost family and catching up.

Especially, with the difficult time I am having now. I miss Prashanth, I miss Papa, and I also miss the company of a very dear good special friend.

I have been wondering and there are so so many thoughts that are going on in my mind..I just want things to be as it is.

There is a lot silence going on and I feel being avoided and ignored.( But of course I pray hard that is not the case...)

I just want to be told by this person if this person is avoiding or ignoring..instead of keeping silent and change the tone of conversation..

Last night, I just broke down looking at my fate of life..I lost Prashanth, I lost my father, but I had a friend that was with me all the while.. then suddenly, its just like we almost dunno each other..

Why so much challenges? How much can a person take?

I sometimes feel like giving up, but I just kept of fighting and fighting ..

But seriously, how much?

My thoughts in the morning

When I woke up in the morning today, I had a thought - Will my friend still be a friend.
There were a series of thoughts going on :

1- Things are catching up and my friend is very very much too busy
2- Things are hard for my friend and my friend may be having some issues with some things
3- IT IS NORMAL FOR A FRIEND TO REACT LIKE THIS ( this one i have scratch off cos i dun think so a friend should be like this, i will never ever ever do this to my friend )
4- I hope it is reason #1 and # 2 is why my friend has been not talking well to me.
5- Oh! I do not want this to happen - my friend is avoiding and ignoring me ( if my does do that, I really regret being frank and shared a lot of stuff )

I hope my friend is good today and the Lord will help if my friend is in trouble or facing some issues. I pray that the Lord will be there for my friend. Lord, I need my friend.. you know how much I need my friend.

Somethings that I wish I could tell you.

I remember the day we became friends,
I remember how we started by just a simply hello and how I said "we were not suppose to meet this way".
I remember how the friendship grow and how you were always there when I needed a shoulder to cry,
I remember how your words - wiped my tears, made me laugh, made me smile again,
I remember how close our friendship became and how I wished it will always be that way...

I remember being happy talking to you, tho we never actually met,
I remember how words impacted me,
I remember the sweet names we call each other, and how it made me smile,
I remember the excitement seeing your mail every single time,

I remember the day I was going to meet you,
I remember how I felt so worried,
I remember definitely that you said I think too much,
I remember I was indeed thinking too much,
I remember how you sounded on the phone,
I remember how you said hello,

I remember how close the friendship had turned,
I remember fearing things will not be the same again,
I remember you assured me - it will always be the same,

I remember slowly, we stopped talking,
I remember telling myself, work is catching up,
I remember not receiving mails from you anymore,
I remember the sweet names are not replied anymore,
I remember slowly, there were no more response,
I remember how I feel when things are going apart,
I remember how a friend treats another friend and this is definitely not the way to treat a friend,
I remember how my calls are not answered, sms not replied,
I remember you said - this is normal but I know its not,
I remember sitting at a corner crying - the fact that I am losing a very good friend,

I wish I could tell you, I know you are somehow avoiding me. For what ever reasons, I have no idea. You may said I do not know you well, but it does not need to know someone too well to realize I am being avoided.

I wish I knew what did I do? Was it the frankness? Was it the sharing?

I remember the boundaries you created - but this avoidance game is definitely doesn't fit the boundaries.

I do not want to remember you as a stranger again but I will remember you as a good special friend you were.. truly the gift from the Lord to me.

Bedrest

Sad news, i will be bedresting for the whole week due my health condition.

It is a shocking news as this was so sudden.

I should be more careful and be less clumsy.

Bedrest is going to be boring .. I am already thinking all the papers that i need to mark next week.

Speedy recovery to me :(

Monday Blues

Singing the Monday Blues....

I hate Mondays.. it is so hard to get up on a Monday morning.Anyways, I feel that after settling down to my new place end of this year, I do not think that waking up Monday morning can be so hard. I am saying so because, I can wake up a little bit later i guess ( after a long 6 years of getting up at 0430 to get ready to work)

There is not much on an update ( one reason why I haven't update my blog for a long long time ) BTW, i have decided to just maintain one number instead of two :)

I am now so much addicted to a few series - Cougar Town, Castle, Covert Affairs, Criminal Minds,Vampire Diaries, House.

And yeah, back to memory lane - I redownloaded all Charmed season. I love the Charmed ones. Who cannot love them?

And have you all watched the latest American Idol? I must say that this year has the best contestant! I simply love James Durbin and Haley :D.. Paul is out which I am pretty sad and so as Pia. Seriously, I tot Pia would be in the finals. And hey hey, Scotty can never go out i guess cos there are too many girls are crazily in love with him.like come on last week? Stefano was so much better than him but Stefano was eliminated.

Well yeah. i think i am going to stop here now. I hope i will have more ideas to write on. Life is same old same old -- boring i guess :D

When Communication is down

Imagine there is no other way to communicate with the world outside.

That is what i am going through now. well.. not completely but like a quarter..

Both my phones are not working.. I terminated the digi line and my celcom phone is barred. yishhh....

the only mean of communication that i have now is my broadband at home.

cheh cheh cheh....

i need to go and buy a new prepaid to replace my dumb digi :(

sigh sigh sigh

The new beginning..

Well.. remember about the new beginning i was writing in the previous post.. well.. yes its been carried out but in a much smaller scale.

There are so many things worrying me and sometimes i wish i could read people minds.

There are so many things one can hope and i just hope i can get what i want..
anyways. sports day has ended and yeap .. it is the last sports day for me and i am so glad that my Red house won again.. this is the fourth year we became champions and i am so proud of all my students that participated and made this came thru.. and of course.. all the teachers that were behind the scene -training them and making the student perfect their routine and march and run and their banner.. thanks to the teachers and the students, we are champions AGAIN!
I hope next year when i come and visit... RED will be champions for the fifth year!
till then.. tata for now